Study matters dragged me in dilemma lately. Not that I don't want to study when I have time, but I feel that I don't have enough time to do it. Doing Masters degree is definitely different from degree level. Somehow I feel like I can't wait for these 2 years to come to an end. Yes, we did have pack classes during degree level, and we did thesis too, but Masters degree level is completely different. In terms of friends, time management and surrounding.
FRIENDS. During diploma and degree level, I've been surrounded by top scorer bestfriends and later on became housemates, Yoy, Atoong, Hany and Shidah, and that particularly influenced me a lot in motivation prospect. I do miss them especially time like this. I miss how we actually helped each other psychologically, something like; when one person is studying, the others will have 'oh, I have to study too.' that kind of feelings. That might sound weird and sickening but actually that was how we survived, competitiveness in a positive way.
In the end, we were all received the highest Vice Chancellor Award. Alhamdulillah. But of course, life goes on. Yoy is now a mother, Atoong just finished her MBA and currently an engineer trainee at Technip, Hany pursued her degree studies in the UK and now a civil engineer at consultancy company while Shidah is now an engineer at JKR.
TIME MANAGEMENT. I think I have highlighted about what kind of Master degree I'm taking now. It is a double Master degree programme. Maybe some of you may not understand what it is about. It is actually a programme created to have selected students to do Master level at two different universities and in my case, UiTM and Stuttgart University in Germany. So, where is the difficult part, Aya?
Well, the difficult part is I have to carry all subjects offered by UiTM for a year instead of one year and a half in order to get the certificate from UiTM, and another year in Germany. No I am not blaming anyone. I have expected this when I looked at the study plan given by faculty. But.. Can you imagine how pack my schedule is? Well 4 days of classes maybe not pack enough, but I don't even have time to study and make revision when assignments, projects, tests, quizzes and thesis are piling up!
SURROUNDING. My surrounding. I am staying with my family in Gombak and I have to commute 4 to 5 days a week to Shah Alam, spend 45 minutes on a clear road, and 2 hours if traffic is moving slow. It is more tiring when I have one class in the morning and the next class at night. And when I got home, I don't have space to study other than my bed. The environment is different. It feels different.
Yesterday, I've received my very first test result this semester and it was Coastal and Harbour Engineering subject. It was an open book test, but I only managed to get 22/50. Yes, I've failed. I felt pretty upset with the result I've received which I expect I could get more or at least pass the borderline if I am now is what I used to be.
The highest score in the class was 39/50. Maybe Dr Lee, the lecturer saw how upset we felt when we got the test paper back, he might didn't realize of what he said with 'Honestly, I don't feel that the highest scorer is intelligent and the others are not. It is a matter of he or she spent more time, put more efforts to understand and made extra revision to score this paper.' made most of us feel motivated, at least I feel that way.
So I've come with this; It doesn't matter what factors that distracted me, it is about I, myself. Not whether I am ready to do this, of course I would say I am not ready all the time. But it is whether I want to do this or not. Yes, I want, and I need and want to put extra effort to do this. I want to be the same person I used to be. The old me, the hardworking me, the never-give-up-till-the-end me, the even better me. Yes, I want to be that kind of person again.
So today, I, Azyan has set up my goals and will gear up my actions, which means. BATTLE. I promise to myself that I will not gonna give up till the end. I will be the old Azyan, will put extra effort, do all my best and commit to my studies till the end of semesters. InsyaAllah.
In order to be able to be that person, I can't bother about anything else. So, I've freezed my gym account for few months to concentrate on my studies plus, I can't afford to pay the fees tskkk. And about finding a husband candidate for myself, I... I think I will just go with the flow. If it happen that I meet the One, then I'll follow where the road leads us to. If not, balik Germany je la I will countinue hunting for men. Hunting kat Germany pun boleh kot :p Trying to stay and think positive is all that I can do.
Oh and since I don't have space to study, I've created one.
|Makeup table is now my study table with mirror to picit jerawat and sengih2 depan cermin. May add more accessories soon.|
Ok that's all for now.
I feel fully motivated and I hope it will motivate everyone else as well, so I will continue doing my thesis. NOW. Bye!
|Quote of the day.|