Monday, 30 July 2012

The end of 30 Hari Mencari Cinta. It's celebration time.

So yea, the deal is officially off. Bitter heart, but I realized I should do something for myself to celebrate for what I've been through, yet I am still able to let everything go and back to normal. Well, not completely,  but I have my own life.

I've celebrated my fail attempt of '30 Hari Mencari Cinta' together with Petot and her friend, Yan at Fullhouse on Sunday.

So from Fullhouse Wangsawalk, the nearest place of course...
It was actually my first time here. I'm so lame I know. booooo! hahaa
I didn't give myself a chance to usha-usha the baju because I know I never come home empty handed! tehee.
Alfredo Spagetti. Yummeyh!
Told ya the Alfredo was yummeyh!
Chicken chop with blackpepper and raisin sauce! Hmm I prefer Alfredo Spagetti.
This is Petot my rakan setongkol for the deal '30 Hari Mencari Cinta'. She has another week left! hee
...we drove to Starbucks TTDI! jauh takkk. hee
I chose hot chocolate instead of coffee, too bad tomorrow is Monday!
Hazelnut Signature Hot Chocolate with whipped cream & Marble Cheesecake. Gemokkkk!
And while these people were busy updating,
I took out the pen I've borrowed from the cashier, and officially ended the deal '30 Hari Mencari Cinta' with this note..
And yes, I will always miss you! ;)

After what happened, I don't even know why, but I still feel good, and no hurt feelings! I will remember him as the same cool MR ARCHITECT, because that attitude makes him attractive!

So, towards the end, I am still the same person, normal.. and SINGLE! hahaa  
 P.s. From what I've found from the internet just now, the Hot Chocolate I've drank yesterday contained 720 calories. It is 2 hours of Body Combat class! OH NO.

With love,

Sunday, 29 July 2012

Final week, Week 4: 30 Hari Mencari Cinta.

Day 22: 

This is the final week for '30 Hari Mencari Cinta'. It is fasting month, so there is no way for me to be able to see him at the gym. I've added him as friend on Facebook last week, but there is no news, no result, no progression. He seemed like barely login the account, or he is actually mean it, not to accept me as friend. 

I don't know how to deal with this. I was thinking of canceling the request, and delete the message I've left together. But I don't think that is the best way to handle it. I just. wanted. to be his friend, sincerely. 

Fine. He doesn't want to be my friend. let's face it, Aya! I give up this deal. I should really end it here.

Day 23:

Day 24:

Day 25:

Day 26:

Day 27:

Day 28:

Day 29: 

Day 30: 
Ok, I had enough. This is only the 28th day of the deal, but I no longer can hold on. I am tired. This is really the end of my ’30 Hari Mencari Cinta’, officially. Life goes on, but he will remain as the same cool Mr Architect in my heart. I can go and find someone else, or not. We’ll see.

I’ve mentioned this in one of my post regarding him. Yes, we have met again, but that was all.

'Because of those lame histories she doesn't have the guts to admit it, but if she's given another chance to meet him again, that's DESTINY. If not, they're just not meant to be.'

* * * *

"Dear Mr Architect,

If you read this, well I know you wouldn’t, unless you’re such a stalker like me. I know you know I am talking about you even though I’ve never mentioned your name.

First of all, I am sorry for describing you as 'ehurmm ehurmm' when I don’t even actually know the true you. I’ve tried to find the truth, but I’ve failed. Or I should say, I gave up my way finding it. Sorry from the bottom my heart.

I described it in every single detail for me to read and remember sweet moments that happened between us whenever I’m thinking about you. 

From the first time I saw you, and our eyes met, and since we never stopped making eye contact during seminars and meetings. Thought it was the end of our meeting. Met you frequently at the gym when I coincidentally registered at the same gym you’ve joined in slowly built feelings in my heart.

And I still remember that same face, same eyes, same lips put a smile at me for the first time.

Thought it was fated, met you coincidentally at Pavilion at that particular moment grew chances for us to talk more comfortably. Guess what? I couldn’t sleep that night thinking that probably Allah s.w.t showed me that you are THE ONE I’ve been looking for these 26 years of my life. Hahh pathetic, aite?

But now I realize, it is just one-side love. Thought you’ve felt the same, but I was wrong. I was completely wrong, but I never regret that. To like you this much, it never crossed my mind, and to hate you is totally not in my diary.

I don’t know how long we can still work together. But I know I will leave, and I am leaving, soon, it just a matter of time. We might not be able to see each other again, but if we do, maybe we are not gonna meet as an engineer and an architect any longer, but still, let’s be cool, like we always do.

Thank you, Mr Architect. I was happy."

Aye, that smooch is mine. Tebal giler yikes!

{And with Him are the keys of the unseen; none knows them except Him. And He knows what is on the land and in the sea. Not a leaf falls but that He knows it. And no grain is there within the darknesses of the earth and no moist or dry [thing] but that it is [written] in a clear record.} [Quran 6:59]

de Miss Engineer, 

Saturday, 28 July 2012

Big Bang concert ticket launch was madness!

A record-breaking crowd of an estimated 3,500 started queuing for Big Bang first-ever concert in Malaysia; from as early as 12noon the day before tickets launched for sale at 10.30am yesterday at Fahrenheit88! Bigbang fans, VIPs are totally awesome, salute!

Such a madness when I was actually tried to buy online, I've wait from 10.30 a.m., clicked on and refreshed Redtix and Ticketcharge webpages when the servers were busy and crashed, and when I was able to access, all tickets were sold out.

Then I've called all the outlets in Selangor and KL if they still have tickets for us, I was willing to go and pick it up right away. But.. they all said the tickets were SOLD OUT! 

And until 4 p.m. I wasn't even able to get at least one when I need six! I gave up, and told Aloy about the news. We were both sad and helpless. After I took shower, I felt asleep infront of lappie, until it was time to break fast. What a day.
Yes, it was!

During Azan, Aloy who just got back from work suddenly gave me a call, said that she was able to access the webpage, and have bought the tickets for us! Wohoooooo!

The concert is going to happen on October 27th, and guess what, it's on my birthday! Well, seems like it's gonna be my best birthday ever!

Anyway, we're excited for BIGBANG Alive Galaxy Tour 2012! O-M-G!!

watching the VIPs queued up at Fahreinheit88 makes me feel grateful that we've got the tickets, eventhough at the very last minute. I've got goosebumps! brrrrr

P.s. Actually we only secured the tickets, but can get the tickets after 2 days, and hope we really get it!

de VIP soon to be,

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Week 3: 30 Hari Mencari Cinta.

Day 15: 

It’s Monday, again. Time flies fast, I have another 2 weeks before I close the deal. Seems like I fall for him, completely. And I just realized it last night.

I was so out of the mood since yesterday, I don’t know why. Perhaps I stalked his Facebook account and found out he clicked ‘Like’ on one of the wedding photographic company, which I assumed he is interested in that kind of things like I do. But somehow it hurts me thinking of him actually have someone in his heart and on their way to wedding stage. Ouchh.

I regained my mood when colleague who went to the meeting with the architects, informed me that he wore red and black shirt, and coincidentally I was also wearing the same theme color, red and black blouse. Small matters swung my mood the whole day, totally.

I went to the gym and the first thing I noticed was him. He noticed me, put a smile on his face, and said Hi. I gave my sweetest smile, and replied Hi. And that was all. Fullstop. Why was I like that? When he was with his friend, I have so many things to ask, but when he was alone, I completely turned mute.

When I was in the class, through the mirror, I saw him passed by, already changed into his red and black shirt, going back home. I noticed he was looking while he was passing by, but I was completely immersed with Body Combat, I let him go just like that, and so my chance.

Well is not like I can stop him in the middle of the class, facing him with myself drowned with sweat for no reason! It’s not like I can say ‘I like you’ straight to his face. Duhh.

Day 16: 

I saw his friend when I was just about to checked in. So I thought he might be here. I put all my stuffs in the locker, and I went out to find out if I could meet him. I was like waiting for him in shopping mall, but seemed like he went off when I was in Guardian. So, ended up I didn't meet him that day.

Day 17: 

I am missing him, badly. BADLY!

Bad Mr Architect, you fool! Who are you to put me into this state? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??

After deep thought and some calculations, I realized I only have one day left before Ramaddan, before I stop going to the gym during fasting month, and during Eid Mubarrak of course.

And before I might not be able to continue joining the gym again, forever. TOMORROW, I only have tomorrow.

I might not be able to see him again after this.

Day 18: 

It’s Thursday, The last day. And I arrived late! I saw his friend was waiting for him at the entrance. I’ve checked in and walked slowly. I took stairs step by step, slowly, while praying so that I could bump into him. One person came down, but it wasn’t him. Another person came down, again not him, but there was someone at his back. Yes, it was him.

We smiled to each other and said Hi. I took that last chance to be polite. I asked ‘Dah habis ke?’ Well, obviously yes. Are you blind, Aya? ‘Korang office hour sampai pukul berapa?’ And he answered me. And I was like ‘Ohh.. ok, bye.’  I.. I.. Ok kill me now!

That was the end of our conversation after few months of having this lovey dovey feelings. Ok, I am the only one having that feelings.

So since we might not be able to see each other again after this, I decided to add him as friend on Facebook. I had a lyric ‘I wonder what it is, I won’t let my gut down, for anyone but you..’  played in my mind over and over again. Ouch. I know it’s gonna hurt my pride from taking the first step by adding him on Facebook, but I left with no choice.

It was hard to click the button ‘Add Friend’, I clicked several times and didn’t work out until 12 a.m. sharp, my hands were cold, and my heart beat fast, I left him a message, and able to click ‘Add Friend’, finally!

Day 19: 

No response.

Day 20: 

No response. I feel like quiting my job, seriously. I don’t know how to face him or even talk to him on the phone when I have to. I DON’T KNOW! He left me in awkward situation.

Day 21: 

No response! I don’t know how to deal with this. How I wish he could at least accept my request, even without message, it's ok, I don't mind. Just. Accept. I would feel better if he did. But now.. You. Mr Architect. You. Hurt my pride.

I think it's time for me to end the deal. I can't meet him again, probably forever. I will explain everything in the next post. As for now, I give up. 


With love,

Monday, 16 July 2012

Week 2: 30 Hari Mencari Cinta.

Day 8: 

Monday blues again! What a meaningful week I had last week. Everything seemed so unreal. Life goes on, and the deal is still on. As usual, I met him at the gym, and he didn’t realize my arrival and I was walking behind him to the changing room. If only he could see me just for a second.. He was in stripe sleeveless shirt and shorts. I was planning to say Hi, but thank god I didn’t. When I looked into the mirror I was terrified, greasy oily face and pimple on my cheek was about to explode! Bhahaha.

Thought he left, so I went to the class straight away after change. While doing Body Combat, I saw him through the mirror, alone. He was doing some exercises outside the class, and sometimes he stopped and looked into the class through the glass window! Ok, he was looking, well not exactly at me of course. But suddenly, I forgot the steps, forgot how to kick and frequently made mistakes. And why on earth did I wear that obvious bright pink socks matching with my scarf? Ohh the ignominy of it!

He was exercising and sitting there for about 15 minutes, and I saw a sexy long hair lady talked to him. Ok. Ok. Hmm. Then she left. OK.

Day 9:  

Hmm.. No news. He was not at the gym today.

Day 10: 
Again, nothing happened.

Day 11: 

Thursday, his gym day. As soon as I entered the gym at level 3, I saw him right away, and with his friend, of course. He was exercising at an open space where I have to pass through to get to the changing room. He saw me, and we smiled to each other, and said Hi with a hand wave. Ok.

I thought that was all, but he stopped me, and asked me questions regarding work! Hmm.. WORK. Why is that sounds so familiar? Quite a tactic, hahaa perasan. So we talked, and yes, I talked to him, with my eyes on him, stared at his eyes, at his nose, at his mouth and his teeth when he was smiling. No longer to his friend! Thank god I realize what kind of situation I was having that time.

But I was breathless, I don’t know why. Is it because I used stairs and he stopped me abruptly I didn’t even get a chance to catch my breath? Or is it because it was him, started a conversation with me and was there in front of me, I felt suffocated and breathless?

His friend one time interrupted us and joked ‘Korang ni, kita dekat gym pun nak cakap pasal kerja.’ Hahaa ok, fine.

But somehow we both continued our discussion and until we came out with a conclusion, we paused, we both looked quite have some other matters to talk about, but his friend stopped us with, ‘Ok, bye’ with a hand wave to me. Yes, he did that! Did I talk too much or something? Hmm.. I don't think so.

So, that was how our conversation ended. What a waste, wasn’t it? How I wish he was alone. I felt quite awkward in front of his friend. But I really have a lot to say.

Anyway, we wore same color of shirt, green. If only he could see it before he left..Sigh.

Day 12: 

It’s Friday.. so, I can only see him at the gym next Monday. O’ Allah, if only you allow me to see him again this weekend, by coincidence.. But I know coincidence doesn't happen twice.

Day 13: 

I went out, but no chance for the coincidence to happen. Of course, duhh.

Day 14: 

I went to Wangsa Walk, lepaking with Petot and Nenot before I took of to the gym. Thought the class starts at 4 p.m., but I was wrong, it was actually at 5 p.m., so I continued jalan-jalan with them both for another hour.

When it was almost 5 p.m., I was about to go and dismissed, at the escalator, Petot who was facing me suddenly was in shocked, glared her eyes at me and was like, ‘Ayak ayakk. Pukul.. pukul.. pukul..’ was trying to sort out location of the target!

I had ‘What, what? You see him? Where? Where?’ thought in my mind, Nenot then said, ‘Pukul 12!’ Ok. Pukul 12 means he passed by behind me without realizing I was there, or he pretended not to see me. Oh sad, man! Anyway all I could see was just his sexy back in black shirt the same as I, again, passed by. Oh dear.

And I didn’t see him anymore that day. I assumed he was at the gym when I sneaked out for an hour. I should just stay. Or, I should stop him when he was passing by. He was alone, and I blew up the only chance.

Week 2 of '30 Hari Mencari Cinta' the Sequel.

Before I start this ’30 Hari Mencari Cinta’, I like him and it was fun. I like him for suka-suka, just to fill my empty heart and unexcited life I had. It’s been only 2 weeks, and too many things happened so out of my control. The hopes that I put to be able to meet him, somehow fulfilled and left me in awe.

I’m afraid to admit this, but the wall that I built in order to protect myself from falling in love too deep, collapses, and I fall for it, and I’m afraid I might not be able to return. 

The fact that everything runs smooth as I want it to be, but he neither notices, nor gives positive feedback to it, I’m not sure if I should really continue doing this.. I’m afraid I might get hurt, and the scar remains till the end.

That lady,

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Week 1: 30 Hari Mencari Cinta.

I was planning to only reveal this at the end of the deal, but seems like I can't make it simpler. So, yea.. I have to divide it into parts, and this is my first week of '30 Hari Mencari Cinta'. Enjoy!

Day 1: 

It’s July the 2nd, and the deal I decided to have with Petot, ’30 Hari Mencari Cinta’ starts today! Yikes! And I guess I don’t simply make a deal without at least make a move, or to the extend of accomplish the mission! I’ve been thinking about how should I start, how to approach him, based on what point should I make to not look awkward and obvious. But I decided to go with the flow, and at the end of the deal, we both agreed have to have their phone number, at least!

After work, I went to the gym as usual, and I know they usually will be there on Monday. It just whether I can reach the gym early to see them or I can be too late when they are already in changing room and ready to go back home.

Well, Mr Archi and his friend don’t usually work out at a place where I can reach them. They usually at ‘men area’ where people do weigh-lifting and what not, which is not my thing for sure, and it is so out of my boundary. I arrived pretty early that day, and I saw them. So I was like 'ok, they are here. I can relax now.' Or not.

When I came out from changing room and was heading to the studio for the next class, I saw both of them were doing sit-up between studio and the pathway I passed by. Mr Archi was facing the see-through glass-window studio I was heading to meanwhile his friend was facing the pathway. I passed them with thousand-of-questions-to go-or-not to go facial expression, but somehow I got strength from nowhere, I turned back and approach them!

His friend saw me heading towards and he smiled, took off his earphone. Thank god it wasn’t awkward. But still.. He was like ‘Hey, dah lama ke join sini?’ I was like ‘WTFish you’ve seen me before! I’ve even talked to you that day, don’t you remember?’ If only I can say that to his face. Well I guess he really doesn’t like me. Why oh why??

So I was like talking so fast even I myself barely understand what I was talking about hahaa. Ok, I was freaking menggelabah I know! I was so helpless and somehow breathless and uncontrolled, and I really pointed out a serious matter, and guess what, I talked about work! I repeat, work! W-O-R-K! 

Well since I actually really need to request them something about work, but still, it was freaking outside of the office and there I was at the gym talked about work like I couldn’t pick up that bloody phone next to me and dial the number!

I know I’ve ruined the chance, but still, I am happy that I think I can talk to them freely after this, with zero shyness. Well perhaps a lil bit. 

Ok now I realize, it’s still gonna be a lot! Since all I did was facing and talked to his friend. I couldn’t even look at Mr Archi’s face. So he was only like ‘A’ah’, ‘yea’, acting as a supporter. I. AM. SO. BAD!

Day 2:

Nothing happened. I was waiting for his email as I requested something about work yesterday. Aye, I was in serious working mode. Hmm.

Day 3: 

Nothing happened, again.

Day 4:

It’s Thursday, and I was on MC and I skipped gym. So that was all for this week, I thought. 

Day 5:

Nothing happened, really. But I don't know what kind of feelings I had whole day, when I saw his name in previous printed email; with attention to me, I couldn't stop smiling wide. When boss asked me who's the architect in charge for the buildings I design, and when I said his name, I got butterflies in my stomach! Oh dear..

I usually have family dinner on Friday, so that means no gym. I'm looking forward for tomorrow, since I’ve planned to go men-hunting with Petot at Archidex exhibition at KLCC. Maybe there is no way I have a single chance to meet Mr Archi at the exhibition, but a lot of other architects and interior designers are gonna be there for sure! Hee mode menggedik lalalaa~

Day 6:

So as planned, we took train and went to Archidex exhibition wearing quite-formal attires with high heels. The word Bismillah never stop came out from my mouth.  Well, deep inside my heart I did put some hope if I can meet him by coincidence, which I know its only 0.01% chances to meet him at this exhibition, and only 1x10-16 % chances to meet him in this big city KL! We were excited at first, to see pretty awesome designs, feature walls for home and everything. Berangan for quite a long time.

But somehow it was getting quite boring and tiring, plus we were wearing high heels, with neither appearance of architects and designers nor my Mr Archi, jauh sekali. Perhaps we couldn’t even distinguish whether these people are public or professional people. It’s Saturday after all, what do you expect, Aya! 

So the men-hunting mission turned up to be green bag hunting! We didn’t even give a damn with people surrounding, all we cared about was getting a lot of bags. We really brought back a lot of green bags for god sake! Hahahaha. I told Petot if I meet Mr Archi with these bags now I will hide myself. That would be too embarrassing! LOL

With pretty heavy bags we brought on our shoulder, Petot suddenly craved for Jjajangmyeon and she suggested Pavilion food court since that’s the only place with Halal Korean food available. With empty stomach we had since we didn’t have breakfast this morning, we gave up men-hunting and we walked to Pavilion.

While Petot was sitting at the empty seat available, I went to Korean food shop and ordered Ttobokki. While waiting in front of the stall, I looked around.

And I didn’t know what kind of hallucination I had that moment, with my quite blurry eyes without contact lenses, I saw Mr Archi and his friend. 

I.. I.. My heart stopped beating for seconds when I realized they were real and were heading towards me! Mr Archi seemed quite surprise to see me. I myself couldn’t believe what I saw right in front of my eyes! Not at the exhibition, not at the gym, not at Wangsa Walk, but out of so many places in KL, I met him here, at Pavilion, at this particular hour, coincidentally!

I was so shocked I couldn’t stop smiling wide. I looked at his face, felt like wanna touch his face to see if he’s real. I looked at his muscle hands under his tight shirt, and I want to.. ok gatal! Stop here. hahaa. 

His friend bought new shoes and Mr Archi was there to accompany him. I asked if they went to Archidex, and they didn’t. I myself can’t explain what such a coincidence we had, but really… I think Allah s.w.t heard me and fulfilled my Du’aa. Subhanallah.. Alhamdulillah.

I asked them if they want to join us, but his friend was like ‘It’s ok, tak nak lah ganggu korang.’ I unexpectedly came out with, ‘Ehh mane ade, kawan I, perempuan.’ Ok. Is that really necessary to mention gender, Aya?

After some times, they went to the other stalls to have a look what to eat. As soon as they walked away, my feet couldn’t move, my heart beat fast this time, felt like I was hynotized. 

With my cold hands, I reached my phone and gave Petot a call.  Petot was also in shock when I told her what happened. She was like, ‘wow, wow, WOW!’ thousand times, all the time. I saw them were sitting quite nearby and I couldn’t even hold chopstick, my hands trembled so bad, and I lost my appetite until they went away. Oh dear.

And even though I used all my energy this evening, it was 3.30 a.m. I was still awake. I was not able to sleep. To be able to meet him today, at that moment, I questioned myself. Is this.. FATE?

Or.. Is this another hint that Allah s.w.t wants to show me what kind of person he is?

Day 7:

I used to google his name couple of months ago, and I found out that he was one of the best students together with his friend and both received an award from the company they are working with now.

And today, I googled again, and I found his Facebook account this time! With limited access, acted like a stalker, I looked into his Info, and it stated that he was an ex-technical school student very close to my area. And he lives nearby!

But.. but his name on Facebook is so hard to pronounce. My dear, why don’t you use your real name instead of this.. weird name you use? If people put weird name for example 'ayapunyacinta' whatsoever, instead of real name on Facebook, I basically assume two; either their name is too common, or they are.. you know. In his case, to be safe, I assume both.

I told Petot since she was also from the same school he graduated from. She looked back if she could find his name in school magazine, if they were in same batch. And she did find him! He was her one-year senior. That means, he is at my age! Yikes!

With love,

Monday, 9 July 2012

A long final tweet from Heechul, on his birthday.

I am so speechless. He deleted his twitter account just now, and tomorrow is his birthday. I have nothing to say. I don't even get a chance to wish him 'Happy Birthday'. His account is no longer exists. NO LONGER EXISTS.

'Oppa, I will respect your decision no matter what. I want you to know that we will wait for you. Please stay healthy and take care of yourself when you're away. Happy 29th birthday to you.'

Happy #HeedictatorDay, Kim Heechul.
Sincerely from the bottom of my broken heart,