Tuesday, 14 June 2011

The falling me.

I'm not sure if writing down something personal here is the right decision, since I have no other place to spill it out. I do feel like I don't have any privacy now. People is reading here, and on twitter. I should blame myself then.

To be honest, I am proud that I did well during my studies in university. I wasn't a good student back then. I was once a matriculation college student, but a very bad one. I passed matriculation exam but not good enough to allow me to further my degree studies. So, I decided to take it slowly, and took diploma. I was determined to make my parents proud when I got a very first Dean List for the first semester. And my uncle especially, has always been there to assist. I will never forget his kindness. InsyaAllah.

I've been doing good up until degree studies, and I've graduated. It's been 6 months now. And I'm still jobless. I don't know what exactly is wrong with me, which part of me that incomplete and make them refuse to take me and work with them.

During the first 3 months, I was decided to further my Master studies overseas. I applied for the programme, scholarship and took IELTS exam. It turned up, the sponsor that I was rooting for never give me a call for interview, my programme application was rejected, and the IELTS exam result is no longer useful. So, I was thinking, maybe I should gain more experience before decide to choose my major.

So, for the next month, I started looking for a job. I've been to a few interviews, from engineering field to banking. I've been rejected and sometimes accepted, but not in field that I was looking for. So I decided to wait.

Since I had a plan to go to USA for holiday, I took it slowly. I got 3 interviews in a week before I took off to USA. 2 companies accepted me, and I was so happy that I can start working once I returned. Since I've decided to choose the company near to my house and offered me better pay, I rejected the other one. And it seems like it's not a right choice, since the company that I've been rooting for keep on postponing to give me offer letter. I gave them a call, messages but they only said "Wait for the offer letter." But when? I can't wait any longer.

I will give them a last call, tomorrow. And if they are still making excuses, I will just quit. I'm thinking of quitting this field. I once gave up to be a lecturer. At this moment, I feel like want to give up to be an engineer. I feel helpless. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of everything. Maybe this is just not my route, I don't know. So I call this entry as 'The falling me.'

“Tidak ada sesuatu musibah yang menimpa (seseorang), kecuali dengan izin Allah; dan barang siapa beriman kepada Allah, nescaya Allah akan memberi petunjuk kepada hatinya. Dan Allah Maha Mengetahui segala sesuatu”. – at-Tagabun : 11

“Dan janganlah kamu berasa lemah, dan jangan (pula) bersedih hati, sebab kamu paling tinggi (darjatnya), jika kamu orang yang beriman” – ali Imran : 139.

With love,

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