Thursday, 23 June 2011

The falling me part 2, goodbye sorrow.

This entry continues from 'The falling me.'

Dear diary,

If you can hear me right now, you probably gonna turn deaf. I am seriously screaming out of chest now. My heart's going to burst at any minute. And my brain feels the burden.

I finally got a job. Oh, not 1, but 2. After I rejected Company A and choose company B instead, I’ve waited for company B to gives me offer letter. They took it so long til I decided to give up. Yes, give up. Not only with this company, but the whole thing. Anything so called Engineering. It's a really tough decision. I'm too tired of waiting. I'm tired of giving excuses on why I'm still not working. Family, friends, relatives.. they asked frequently. My heart hurts, my brain dries, my money flew away.

Although my mouth can say I want to give up to become an engineer, but deep inside my heart, I know I lie. Although I can smile and said, I don’t want myself to get involve in this field any longer, but I can feel the pressure, depression strikes me every night.

Alhamdulillah, today I’ve been called for an interview with company C. And I feel glad that they asked me to start working on July 1st. I went back home, reported the good news to my mom. Finally this daughter not gonna ask for money :p Less than an hour after I reached home, I got a phone call. It was the director from company B. He asked me to report duty this Monday. I didn’t know what to say. I only said ‘OK’.

You see. When you want something, even though its not something belongs to you, you will never get it. But when you decided to let it go, it will come to you, naturally. I even cried, not because I was sad, or too happy til I couldn’t control my tears, but because I was so mad. I almost gave up on my dreams, for God sake! That’s why I’m mad.

All I need to do now is, I have to think deeply, ask Allah to open my heart, to see which one is the best for my future. I’m not gonna make the same mistake twice. However, I feel very grateful with everything He gives me. Thank you Allah.

"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." -surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216

"Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya." -Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286

With love,


NOOR FATIN said...

alhamdulillah, bagus la. hehe keje elok2 nanti k. buat yang terbaik. saya belum lagi ada rezeki dalam keje :)

AYApunyaCINTA said...

Thanks Fatin. InsyaAllah, ade rezeki ade la tue. kne try byk kali, yg penting, dont give up ok! ;)