Monday, 29 December 2008

Love is...

This is my most fav JDorama ever.. Love Revolution ラブレボリューションthe plots are the best!

Vol 1: Taxi
Love is like waiting for taxi. There isn't any taxi available
when you are waiting for them. They are either no taxi or the taxis
are taken by others. This makes me anxious. Just when I have decided
to go to another street, many empty taxis come in sight for me.

Vol 2: Love Season
In the morning just when I was about to go out, I am puzzled if I
should take an umbrella with me. Most of the time, I bring an
umbrella with me. It is taking a good precaution to avoid regrets.
However, it seems like this may not be a wise decision at the time.

Vol 3: Woman in love
There will always be a pair of shoes that don't fit you in your
shoe cabinate. It is too tight, but it seems to be just nice when
you try it our before buying. Thus, I bought the pair of shoes. I
never really think of the consequences of buying this pair of unfit
shoes and I just want to enjoy the feeling procession. Everyone
would have this experience.

Vol 4: Love Holidays
We are puzzled about what to bring for our vocation. Making a
decision is difficult and so is carrying the luggage. Since we have
brought it there, we shall pretent that we are tired. In another
words, we are trying to make ourselves tired by coming on a
vocation. In the end, we are so tired that we don't have to
strength to unpack our luggage and it is at a critical time.

Vol 5: Love Sick
Sometimes, we lost 1 sock. It should be somewhere in the house.
However, I failed to find it despite countless search. Thus, we
throw away the other one. Unexpectedly, we have found the lost sock.
It's many times happier than we first buy the sock. We can't bare
to throw away this useless sock.

Vol 6: Love Gap
When I have to use a 1000 yen note because I am short of a 10 yen
coin, I am reluntant to use it. Having think that I shouldn't have
bought that chewing gum in the morning, I would not have faced this
problem now. A trival matter has caused me trouble. I wouldn't have
thought of this when I bought the chewing gum.

Vol 7: Love Question
When I come across little personality test in magazines, I would
always go for it. When I don't get a satisfactory answer, I would
go back to the questions and answer them again. The answer we got
the second time is far from reality. When we do this repeatedly,
the answer is further and further away from the reality.

Vol 8: Love Airport
When I am trying to give way to the person in front, he moves in
the same direction as I am. When I move to the other side, he
follows. Finally, both of us decides to stand still.

Vol 9: Love Revamp
In examination, I would like to check the answers again. At that
time, I would always think that the other answer is a better choice.
Finally, I choose the other answer. However, the first answer is
often the correct one.

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

which one?? urrgghh!

to be an engineer, which one should i choose?
or German language??
gahhh! i've got no idea.
I love to learn Japanese language!
should I grab this chance???

Monday, 15 December 2008


Heyh guess what, I graduated! The moment when our Deputy Dean Profesor Suhaimi called my name, 'Penerima Anugerah Naib Canselor, 42y4n 24fyr4h binti Mohd Zahid.' eventually I felt like all my effort paid off. Indescribable.

with love,

Thursday, 25 September 2008

i want to go to UK...but why??

i dont know.. seems like everyone is going to UK, further study there.. i've got the offers too, but why i'm not going? why am i here... one by one is gone. and i left here. am darn sad bout it. why am i didn't get the scholarship? why am i not even try to seek for it? why am i rejected those offers? how stupid! yup i should blame myself.. time is too limited. the dateline to accept JPA scholarship (in Malaysia) is coming soon. if i accept this, i am going no where.. i need to stay in Malaysia or else, i need to payback rm110,000!! what if i got the spot in UK for 2nd year, together with MARA scholarship? if i'm here, i can graduate with degree program for 2.5years. if i'm in UK, i'll get MASTER in 3years!!! but WHY??? what should i do.. God, please give me one more chance...

Friday, 22 August 2008

Build-and-Break Competition 2008.

Yeay! I decided to replace one of my friend since she is not interested to join this competition in the first place. The competition was held at Uniten, and more than 10 universities including UTP, UM, UPM etc competed to win the prizes.

We were asked to build crane by using stick, glue and thread. Our group beat our senior group and selected to final. Although we didn't win this competition, it was really a great experience!

P.s. can you spot me?

with love,

Thursday, 21 August 2008

I've got scholarship!!!

Alhamdulillah.. yaay!! I've got it and have nothing else to say. *speechless* It's like I'm saving my whole family.. finally!

We Got Married fever!

WGM has been canceled again?? WTH now i'm in mid term break and gotta lot of tyme to kill, and they postponed it until Olympic? hella no. damn it wanna watch JoongBo's 100 days so much. Hwangbo in gown, and Hyunjoong in suits! yayy. they might be cute! be patient Aya, be patient!!

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Final semester

Somehow we can be so sophisticated. And somehow, FUN!
With love,

Friday, 4 July 2008

Urghh.. registration day!!

Tomorrow is UiTM registration day! Need to wake up so damn early so that I can gonna get my major. Kena rebut kot! And I'm not totally ready to register yet. Boring boring boring! What major should I choose? Structural or Hydrology??

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

I hate it when...

I hate it when I woke up late and everything seems to be late from there.
I hate it when I woke up so early and I can't go back to sleep .
I hate it when people realize they're wrong, but continue arguing for that point anyway.
I hate it when i fail my test although i studied hard for it...
I hate it when someone is using me and I can't do anything about it.
I hate it when I sit next to someone who smells like he/she hasn't taken a bath in a week or when im sitting next to someone who puts Johnson&Johnson lotion that smells like 'keling'. it becomes suffocating either way.
I hate it when someone breaks their promise or not keep their words.
I hate it when my mom doesn't understand me and gives me mean comments.
I hate it when my dad says he promises me, but always break a promise.
I hate it that my whole family always break a promise.
I hate it when my stomach pain occurs.
I hate it when I can't find the song I wanted to download.
I hate it when my computer lags while i'm loading my k-drama. waiting for it finish loading take times enough.
I hate it when i'm dead broke.
I hate it when my eyes make-up cannot be done properly.
I hate it when people TyPe LyKe DyZ n DeN tYnK dAt iTz So0o0 C0oL wHeN iTz ReALLy ReTaRdEd.
I hate it when I procrastinate and do a project last minute.
I hate it when people stir a cup of coffee or MILO 'tok tok tok' way. it's annoyed me so much.
I hate it when my hair gets stuck on my lipgloss.
I hate it when i have test in tomorrow morning, i'm trying to get to sleep but people make such noises.
I hate it when people just steal my ideas, like the idea i thought of was common, when it wasnt!
I hate it when people copycat me.
I hate it when I like someone.
I hate it when my MP3 is running out memories and still so many good songs I want to put in.
I hate it when I lost the last episode of Korean drama.
I hate it that I can't lie.
I hate it when I realize my dreams still so far away.
I hate it when i tried my best but the rest of team gave up.
i hate it when people make last minute plan.
I hate the fact all my friends already graduated and I still have 2 years to go.
I hate it when my feet hurt from walking around in heels.
I hate it when i think about my childhood.
I hate it when my friends started to match me up with a guy over and over, and they tease me everyday.
I hate it when in my mind i wanna do assignment but i end up doing something else which aren't important.
I hate it when i get into that really depressed mood where everything sucks and i feel fat and ugly.
I hate it when my clothes don't fit right on me.
I hate it when i get jealous of his friends that are girls even he is just someone i like.
I hate it when there's no music.
I hate it how i have to explain to people that i don't listen to american music ... often.
I hate it when i stay up all night doing an assignment due the next day.
I hate it when people bug me while i'm eating.
I hate it that I have too much pride.
I hate it when i try to concentrate and annoying people keep trying to distract me.
I hate it when I lose marks on test due to carelessness.
I hate it when the sun is so hot/bright, is pierces my skin.
I hate it when my mp3 runs out of batteries.
i hate it when my family is talking about me and i can't defend myself because i'm younger and not earning money yet like they do.
i hate it when i can't talk while i'm crying because i'm so mad.
I hate it when Rosyam Nor use name 'Danial' in his series. it doesn't suit him !!
I hate it when I turned on TV and found a local series use Japanese/Korean songs as their theme songs.
I hate it when my siblings saying something about me but i'm actually crying silently.
I hate it when i'm the only one in the family never go to any foreign country like if i can go one day, i'm not coming back.
I hate it when the people in my life that i put trust into turns around and backstab me and hurt me so much.
The reason why i dont trust people anymore and i hate it the most.

Friday, 27 June 2008

Thank you for being such a pain PART3

Oh Goshh.. I never thought the thing I've said before really.. it's SCARY!

"You asked for my forgiveness, I forgive you for all of these. Because I know, Dia maha Adil, akan ada hikmah dan balasan di sebalik semua yang berlaku."

Those words are really.. urghh! it happened! its not like I'm praying for their punishment, but it just happened. I never thought those words really show them something..

In PART1, i told about how she start flirting with him and I couldn't take it. In PART2 is when I knew they started to be together behind me.. and it's killing me.

After they were both together, I was not myself anymore.. 7 days, I didn't give any news to any of my friends. Yes, I ran away from these. I couldn't accept it, but still I have to adapt with it. Being betrayed this way.. urghh, I really hope this never happened.. But still, it's too late..

Seeing them together, everyday in class.. make me sick. But I tried to avoid everything.. 'it's okayh, Aya..this is the last semester, you can do this!' as I can accept it with all my heart, i've heard the most bad news about them.

But now its not the time to blame others.. Eventhough they feel bad for what they've did to me, but both of them are still my friends. In this situation, they need friends the most.. and I play my roll, as her friend..

After a while, it was in silence.. no news. I thought that everything was ok.. but who never knows what would come next.. Suddenly one day, she didn't come to class, she gave me a call.. told me that Pengarah Kampus asked her to quit from university! Yes, for some  big reasons both of them have to quit.. i'm speechless! Totally speechless.. This is our final semester, final exam is in another 2 weeks to go.. and they need to quit before this weekend.. They can do nothing but just to accept it. That time I realized about the thing I said to her before. Is this really because of me? Because of my words? Can I take my words back?

But it was too late.. She came to our class and gave her letter to Madam Maureen, she waited for us to say goodbye.. I kept thinking about their problem every single day, whether i'can do anything to hold these things to happen. But I know, I only can do nothing. I couldn't hold my tears anymore.. and in front of all people, I cried.. all of us cried..

We graduated without 2 of them.. I really hope that both of them can achieve success even though we are in different path now.. Even though you did hurt my heart, but I wish both of you can be together forever.. May Allah s.w.t bless both of you..

with love,

Thank you for being such a pain PART2

This is my letter for her after what she did to me, written sincerely from my heart.

Dec 27, 2007

Sorry sebab menghilang for a while..This is me, whenever I have problems, I will run away, keep it in my heart..Give me a break. I need time.Don't worry, I'm fine with it.I will forget everything after a while.I don't blame u for these.. You guys have your right to choose.
Thank you for telling me about it before bukak semester.If you tell me the truth face to face, kau adalah orang yang paling kejam.I don't think I have face to see you again. I don't need sympathy.At least now, I have time to think and accept it.Aku macam tak tahu apa guna kita pernah gaduh pasal laki tu. Sampai hampir putus kawan.Pathetic kan??Its like so sia-sia..Ia sangat memualkan aku sekarang. Really.Its so fake, and aku rasa sangat nak muntahhhh.
The promise that you make, and you break it, it doesn't matter anymore.. I don't care anymore.The fact that I said, "I TRUST U" that day.. I don't care anymore.Your acting and make me feel damn stupid.. I don't care anymore.Because its like, the history really repeated itself.The most scariest thing in my whole life, the nightmare, really, it happened again.Just, I can't believe it is you, really did it.Tuduh Hanis.. I can't forgive myself.If it happen again for the 3rd time, I really don't care anymore..Take everything from me, it doesn't make sense anymore..Im too tired for all of this.. penat.

You asked for my forgiveness, I forgive you for all of these. Because I know, Dia Maha Adil,akan ada hikmah and balasan di sebalik semua yang berlaku.But still, I will not forgive you for being like her.6 years, the old wound that she did is not healed yet. Then its your turn, make me in pain.I can't take it anymore.. Really.I can't forget it, forever.
But now, don't worry, I'm still the same I am.Treat me as the same Aya.and I will treat you as the same H...but I will not treat him as the same F....
"I'll do it for you, I will do anything for you"If u can't do like what you said,let me do it. and yes, I do it for you.My advise is don't make promises if you think you can't fulfill because it hurts.

Well, I can go on living my life pretending that everything is fine.And I'm not that stupid untuk buang kawan for such a guy.I really don't want to discuss about this anymore. Let it be.I'm ok now, really.Thank you for being such a pain. I get matured with it.

with love,

Thank you for being such a pain PART1

Nov 5, 2007

After for a while I didn’t write anything in my blog.. Now I think I need some place to say it, because I don’t want to tell anyone, actually. Because it hurts. This one guy I know, I got closer wit him because I liked his friend. He knew. But as I being his friend, he cares bout me. He treats me more than that. He would always be there whenever I need him. He listened to me whenever I need someone to talk. He gave me advises and make me feel comfortable with him.

There's my best friend, she knows everything bout me. How close I am with this guy. How I’m in love with him. Except that, she didn’t know that I love him more than that. She thought that I’m still in love with his friend. Because I never tell her the truth.. because I’m afraid of her. I’m afraid if my history repeated itself. How I’m being betrayed by my only bestfriend. How much I trusted her and silently, she stabbed me until I couldn’t breath. My whole life I never felt that much pain and I died softly. Until now, I never trust anyone. I never cry for a guy anymore. Its enough it happened once. It hurts. Still. That's why, I would deny my feelings towards him in front of her. So that if someday I fall, she's not going to realize that I love him that much. I don’t want anyone to see how much I’m in pain. 

My pride is more than everything. Its better not to let them know even its hurting me deeply.
But seeing her flirting with him really make me sick. Even that is the way she is, but she should know the boundary. Whenever I know she likes any guy, I never started to disturb her flirting with guys. But now, she knew I like him, but she started to get closer with him too. She complaint and compared when he treated me nicer. She’s flirting and when we going back to the hostel, she will say sorry. And repeat the same things again and again. I don't understand why she need to do this. But its really killing me softly only God knows. Sometimes I think maybe its time for me to let them both. Maybe its time for me to walk away…

“Sorry, because I can't say it in front of you. I tried. But still not strong enough to say it. I don't know what it is, but I feel something weird towards you. I’m not really sure. But I know its something important to me. Even its not important to you. Having you as my friend really mean everything to me. The way you care about me. But I know, you just playing around with me. But sometimes you didn’t realize that you play with my heart too. Since when I don't know, seeing you sms-ing, met and flirting with another girl really make me sick. I try to act strong. But it hurts. Really hurts. What is it actually? But still, I don't know until now. I know you know. But you just pretend you don’t know. Now, I'm getting tired of all of these. One day if I go somewhere far from you, don't try to find me. Because I will miss you so much it hurts. But now, DON’T STOP HOLDING MY HANDS. Because I need u more than that. Evn if we are not meant for each other, DON’T STOP BEING MY GOOD FRIEND. Because I will keep it this way eternity..”

with love,

Tuesday, 24 June 2008

Time is ticking

Right now, at this moment, i'm more appreciating myself and my life. Even though it was kinda hard at first, really hard.. Fail to continue my degree right after matrix because of technical mistake, tebalkan muke I and start from zero! masuk diploma and everyone thought that I was doing degree course in sarawak.. MEMALUKAN kayh! 

My friends at my ages doing their degrees, tapi Allah uji with this kind of matter.. Honestly, that time in my 1st semester I was like.. 'hohh my, this is gonna be the end of my life'. Give up.

But then my Physics 2nd test really proved me something when I got the highest mark while org laen failed. At that moment, I rasa I am something, not nothing! After struggle a lil bit in that semester, I've got DL. Woww. That time I dapat satu encouragement told me that I CAN DO THIS! Then masuk 2nd sem, 3rd etc etc etc I got DL.. Until now..

Finally, I finished my final sem with 4FLAT!! Oh Gooshh ! yang ni I paling tak sangka.. Finally I dapat habis my diploma dengan 1st class. Dream comes true! I selalu berdoa so that I dapat cgpa cecah 3.8+ .Alhamdulillah, Allah betul-betul izinkan. Oh yeahh.. ramai orang tanya, senang ke Civil? jawapan i, of course its not easy larr!

I banyak sacrifies in this sem.. I've been hurt a lot in this semester. I promised to myself, NO LOVE FOR ME. Siap pakai a black pendant so that I can remind myself, DON'T FALL IN LOVE, AYA! really~! I've worked hard in ETR, design project..

being a person yang orang aim to do shortnotes so that they can do photocopy,
being a person yg orang ajak duduk sebelah time test so that diorg boleh tiru,
being a person yg orang cari for notes and tunjuk ajar whenever diorg tak turun kelas,
being a senior yg junior cari untuk pinjam and photostat all the notes..

I don't mind for all of that, its my PLEASURE actually, rasa I am SOMETHING now hehe. So I got 4FLAT for this semester, and finished with ANC in my hand, i feel proud of myself.

Now, I have no regret or malu a lil bit pun yang I pernah buat diploma! kawan-kawan, I BUAT DIPLOMA JE!

A bit dissapointed sebab I dapat a few offers sambung kat UK but I couldn't manage to secure a scholarship. But still no regret sebab if sambung shah alam pun I dapat jimatkan masa I.. 2.5 years, sekejap je I think. I've got a lot of things to do here. Belajar Nihongo yang I nak sangat since Form 1, dapatkan ANC time degree jugak, nanti-nanti lar Master baru sambung UK, Germany ke.. hahaha Mdm Maureen sangat!

WISH THE BEST OF LUCK FOR ME, and for all of ya!

with love,

Monday, 23 June 2008

~..::.* WELCOME darl !! *.::..~

ohh glad to be here.. finally!
this gonna be my 1st official blog after friendster blog..
actually wanna keep this as a secret from others, so that i can say anythin i want to..
those 'Dear Diary..' things!!

so, I have decided..
here, there's gonna be more bout me, about my love, my life, my nightmare and MORE FUN !

with love,